I've lost count of how many times I have had conversations with my friends about how fictional men have raised the bar on our expectations of men in an illogical way. A phrase I constantly say is: we live in a world full of Tamlins and Chaols (so sorry if you like these characters).
“I fell in love with you, smartass, because you were one of us—because you weren’t afraid of me, and you decided to end your spectacular victory by throwing that piece of bone at Amarantha like a javelin. I felt Cassian’s spirit beside me in that moment, and could have sworn I heard him say, ‘If you don’t marry her, you stupid prick, I will.”
–Sarah J. Maas
I've lost count of how many times I have had conversations with my friends about how fictional men have raised the bar on our expectations of men in an illogical way. A phrase I constantly say is: we live in a world full of Tamlins and Chaols (so sorry if you like these characters).
Sadly, I've had a few encounters with men that only reinforce this idea. I know that both (men and women) from fantasy books are the definition of expectations and idealism. Maybe is a bit illogical of me to think that real people will act as a fictional character. Still, there is a reason why they were written that way in the first place, right? The authors had to have an example. So they could create their character, or at least that's what I think (if you have a different opinion, leave it in the comments). I know most of our fictional boyfriends were written BY women FOR women. So, we keep having these men saying the perfect thing and doing the things that for sure a woman (or a man) will fall in love with them.
And it's not just in books. We also see it on TV shows, movies, and in songs. We have so many examples of how A character flirts, so B character falls in love. Although they have many more flaws than we do, they are strange gems hidden at the bottom of the ocean, to be found by your mate or love interest and loved for all eternity. How unfair is that?
I want a mate (as childish as it sounds), a person who is equal to me, but in my 24 years of living, I have never met a single couple who could say "I've found my mate". Yes, I know some couples have been very lucky and have found love and "lived happily ever after" (which, by the way, for me, it doesn't even exist –I'll make a post of that soon enough–). But still, it's not like their mates stated by The Cauldron or by the Gods above us. It bothers me that this is just an idea. A dream for most of us, mortal people, and that we will never achieve it.
You may ask yourself: Where does this originate?
As I mentioned before: most romance novels are written by women for women, so in a world lead by patriarchy, it's a way for women to revolt, to make the heroines queens and assassins, to have careers and big dreams (having the best of both worlds). While also finding a romantic partner who won't be afraid of their power. He will not see her as a housewife but, instead, will encourage her to exploit her potential.
As a result, women who read these books, we'll see role models. Furthermore, they'll want to have achieved that. They'll want to become more than a little girl or wife. They will want to expand their horizons and chase their dreams.
Romance and fantasy novels challenge the social norms about what is acceptable in a romantic relationship, and more importantly, being able to define our tastes and develop ourselves. That's the beauty of literature. It can change the mentality of a single person and even an entire generation.
So, do romance novels have ruined relationships?
Yes and no. In some way, they have made me open my eyes. They made me realized what I desire. What I want in my life, and not only in a relationship. To notice the red flags and establish my expectations and the hard 'no' that will not be overlooked. Even as the likelihood of finding my Rhys/Rowan/Cass/Casteel (and the list goes on and on) is close to zero, I don't know what The Cauldron has planned for me. So, meanwhile, I will work on myself. I will keep reading these amazing and insightful books with badass female characters (who have influenced me so much). To not limit ourselves and stay with the minimum acceptable. Because only we can set our expectations and live by them. With or without a mate.
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