If women expect men to be as handsome and perfect as fictional men are, do they also expect women to be as pretty and the damsel in distress as fictional women?
We will talk and discover more about this topic that I find fascinating, will you join us?
We all know that men in books have set expectations way too high... i.e. Mr. Darcy, Heathcliff, our favorite Illyrian babies, Jace Herondale from TMI, Stefan, and Damon Salvatore, Derek from Darkest Powers, THG's Peeta ... do I have to continue? What happens the other way around? Do men also have high standards for fictional women characters?
“You don't love someone because they're a dream of perfection. You love them because of the way they meet their challenges, how they struggle to overcome. You love them because together, you bring out the best in each other.”
―Lani Wendt Young
Fictional vs. Real People
I recently had this discussion with my friends: do men think women should always have to be rescued (as many books and movies have established)? We did not need to discuss much to conclude that men do think women should always be these beautiful characters who need to be rescued, and not the other way around.
In general, women expect men to be selfless, to have quirky remarks, and constantly court us. At the same time, it seems that they tend to despise us while caring about us and being territorial. Women tend to incline to find fictional men attractive when they have a bold and somewhat dark personality and a tragic backstory, combined with a beautiful physique: with a sharp jawline (and sarcastic smirk), tall, lean, and muscular, and extremely handsome.
Combining their personality with their physique and how the romance unfolds throughout the book, women have these huge crushes on fictional characters and fantasize about them all day, even after finishing reading the book and moving on to the next one. As a result, women tend to look and desire real men to act like fictional characters. But is that possible at all? Even if I would love to have my fictional boyfriend come to life, it would be unrealistic, since I haven't met a single person in my life that acted like a character from a book (although, there are a few who physically resemble these fictional characters).
I don't know if it's because I'm used to reading through the female’s point of view, however, it has never occurred to me that perhaps men could think and feel the same towards fictional female characters and real women. That they also want to be the gentleman saving the damsel in distress and having the most beautiful woman with the best personality and with many more features that makes them perfect.
Is It Realistic And Fair?
You could even say that women and men in real life want the same thing: a spectacularly beautiful partner, with a body of envy, who has a unique personality, very intelligent, funny, and with all the necessary skills to fight against the enemy; their love for you would be unconditional and to some degree be jealous and protective of you.
In a nutshell, a fictional character.
So if women normally have these somewhat unrealistic expectations towards men, is it fair for the male readers to expect women in real life to be the damsel in distress as fictional women?
Well... yes and no. I do think it's fair for them to hope women to be beautiful and perfect because women also expect and desire the other way around it. However, I don't think the idea that women should still be the damsel in distress is valid today. We are in the XXI century, and the gender roles are not the same as 10 or 20 years ago. These have amazingly changed for the better.
Nevertheless, some people still think it’s taboo that women could have the power to protect themselves rather than waiting for their prince charming (which could look like a selfish attitude). Therefore, it's easier and more unchallenging for men than for women to be badasses because history and traditions are on their side.
"Women should not be heroes", they should be trophies or something to fight for. Because warriors and saviors are men, so these roles apparently must always be played by males.
Consider Helen of Troy, who is perceived as the trigger of the War. Or Joan of Arc, who after all she did for her country was burnt at the stake in Rouen by the Inquisition for heresy. Or any other romantic drama in which the lead character is tormented by a ruthless male who either wins her because "he understands" what she wants better than she does or she is cast away because she tried to be more and to stand up for herself.
Consequently, for these men to still think that every woman should be a damsel in distress is just wrong. Men have always had the opportunity to be the badass warriors, while the expectations for women have been to stay at home and take care of the children and the husband. Our expectations from men just stem from what they expect of us to be.
Following this nonsense, only men can have exciting adventures and be the ones in charge; even so, History has shown us otherwise. Take for example Jane Austen, who since her adolescence had a great influence on the literary culture in England, during her life she had to write anonymously since no publishing house wanted to represent her, but still, she wrote and published Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility. Or Emmeline Pankhurst, founder of the Suffragettes group, who made it possible for some women to vote in the UK and took jobs that men normally did during the First World War. Or more recent examples, such as Michelle Obama who wrote Becoming and Malala Yousafzai, and her book I Am Malala, both have become role models for young and adult women.
Like them, there have been hundreds of women who have questioned and gone against the idea of the "damsel in distress".
Despite this, I believe nowadays authors are changing these perspectives, giving fictional women more power and the possibility of not always needing a man to solve their problems.
Mary Wollstonecraft is widely known as the first feminist philosopher and writer during the 18th century, as she was one of the first women to publish under her name; she wrote A Vindication of the Rights of Woman.
Another great author who has written about feminism, racism, and her triumph against adversity was Maya Angelou. Her novel I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, first published in 1969, transformed the face of feminist literature and today is used in classrooms all around the world.
Still, we have a long way to go, and I would like for writers (both men and women) to stick a little more to the reality we live in and put aside the idealization of gender roles to lower this imaginary standard to which we have attached ourselves.
What's Your Opinion About It?
Do you have any specific and unrealistic standards? If yes, do you believe men and women could reach them?
What do you think about the idealization of gender roles in books?
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