So, a few weeks ago, I went out on a date. I knowww! Shocking! For me, going on a date happens once in a blue moon, as the dating world and I seem to never agree.
“There is a defiance in being a dreamer.”
–V. E. Schwab
First of all, don't hate me...
I'm so sorry to anyone who likes Chaol. It's not that I have anything against him, just that he's a mediocre character for me; without anything special.
So, a few weeks ago, I went out on a date. I knowww! Shocking! For me, going on a date happens once in a blue moon, as the dating world and I seem to never agree.
The date was okay. Honestly? The conversation flowed, and I laughed, but the entire time I kept thinking he wasn't like any of my fictional men. He didn’t make me feel giddy and with butterflies in my stomach. He didn’t check any of my boxes. And I felt awful. I felt like an awful person because he wasn't meeting my expectations, and I was wasting his time.
I've realized that probably nobody will ever reach the standards men written by women have. I keep waiting for this guy to come into my life with all these amazing characteristics. But hey, I don't chase, ✨I attract✨
I know my standards are set high. I know the books I've read are the ones to blame. I know I’m the one to blame. Because I have this crazy “list” of things I want, and it's just impossible for any man to have them all.
I know some women have been extremely lucky to have found a man who meets their standards. I don’t like calling them that because it makes me feel like I’m browsing an aisle at the supermarket. But, for sure, I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. For not finding a suitable man that matches what I want. Or what I need. What I desire and what my heart craves.
Maybe TMI, but with my two hands I can tell the number of times I've had first dates, and with one hand the number of times I've had a second date. Dating is something that doesn't happen often to me. And when it does I try to evade and disappear. Predisposing myself because I just know the guy will not be a [insert any fictional me] and it’s just so disheartening to think that because of my “closed” mind, I will never find my “perfect” match.
And you may say, Gal, one way to solve this would be to stop reading and fantasizing about fictional men. But, one thing is for sure. I will keep reading because even if I haven’t experienced real-life love, I have deep within the fidget of my imagination and heart.
Probably many of you have felt the same way as me, and... well, not sure where I’m going with this. But yeah, thank you for coming to my TEDxTalk.
Love, Gal🖤
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