Love. A four-letter word that we struggle to say a lot. But in books looks much easier to obtain. Making our idealism and expectations skyrocket.
“We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve.”
–Stephen Chbosky
I've talked before about how books have made our expectations and desires of men physically unattainable. But today, we'll talk about something similar and very different. We'll talk about our worth of love and how books may help us believe (or not) we are worthy of it.
Some may suggest that love is a human emotion, just like happiness or anger. Others believe it is a cultural thing. Partially due to social pressures and expectations. I mean, I can get the social expectation. How many times we've heard, read and, seen people praise and talk poetically about love?
In a way, society has made love a symbol. Something we all should have to feel accepted. If I've not been clear: I'm talking about couples' love. For centuries, we've had this idealism where we will achieve the perfect life only when we find our partner. Only we will feel fulfilled when we get married and have children. How sad is that? We are MUCH MORE than a vessel to do this. I'm not saying people shouldn't want this. I'm just saying that human beings were not created only for this.
Humans were created to live. To experience, share, and experiment. And yes, to love and be loved. Books have taught us that. That we can have both things (the best of both worlds). MC teaches us that we can have a partner/mate/bf/GF or however you call it. But also to love the life they are living. Most of the books I've read start with a "weak" MC. Who doesn't value him/herself as worthy of being loved. To be worthy of a good life. It isn't until they meet their love interest that they see things differently.
And here is my question, do we need a love interest in our lives for that to happen? I would say no. We do not need a love interest. What we do need is someone. Someone close enough to us to help us with this change of mind. Although, it shouldn't be because of them that we change. The change should come from within us. Because we want to be better. Because WE believe and know we deserve better. The other person is there for moral support and helps us get in the right direction.
Please don't hate me for what I'm going to say next… I think the portrayal of love in books should be focused on the self-love the MC gains throughout the book. I mean, I LOVE a good romance and spiciness in books (I'm a smut reader for life). MC should be teaching us that we should change because we deserve it, not because, in that way, we will obtain what society has established as a standard.
Love in books should not be mainly in the love interest. There is love all around us. Love to our family, friends, and even to the Universe. Recently, I've discovered my love for books with found family. For example, in Serpent & Dove, we see how Lou finds her way and herself through the love that her friends teach her. Her whole life believed love was only in a certain way. And that's not true. Love comes in all shapes and colors. But sometimes, we are taught differently and, we need the help of others to realize it.
My Conclusion
And yes, for sure I will keep reading romance novels. I will get head over heels for when the love interest says their love declaration. How they love each tiny thing about the MC, the good, the bad and, the terrible. I will keep listening to songs that describe how they feel when their love interest is near them. And I will keep reading poems that describe love as the perfect slice of chocolate cake. Because in the end, love is that. We are who we are because of the people and things we love.
We define ourselves through the love we believe we deserve. So that's why we should ALWAYS love ourselves first. Why we should work on our mental and physical health. And why reading about strong MC who claws and bite their way to believe they are loved by themselves can help get us in the right direction. In the direction of self-love and worth.
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