Is it possible to run out of things to express? I sincerely hope not.
“There’s a cosmic balance to uphold, without it, chaos interferes.”
–Gal Wohlen
Mood Right Now
Since finishing writing and editing (KaS), it feels like a whirlwind of activity has taken over my life. I’m juggling two jobs, wearing all the hats of an indie author, trying to be a content creator, and handling the responsibilities of being a daughter and an adult. Despite all this, I often feel like I’m not doing enough and like a total imposter.
Before I left for London, words seemed to slip through my fingers. My mind is buzzing with thoughts, but when I try to put them on paper (or screen), I feel empty. It’s as if my ability to create and imagine has run dry.
Why do I feel like I’ve exhausted my store of words? Is it possible to run out of things to express? I sincerely hope not. It’s just another way imposter syndrome creeps in, always on the lookout for weakness.
Forcing Creativity? No, Thanks...
So, what have I been doing about it? Mostly overthinking and feeling disappointed. I know this is temporary (though it’s been a few weeks), but life is demanding my attention elsewhere. My jobs are taking up almost all my time and energy, and I’m focusing on various aspects of my life. Creativity can’t be forced (writers, you know what I mean).
On top of that, I’m terrified of what you think of my words and thoughts. Even though many of you have read my work before (and hello to those who are new!), the fear of judgment is overwhelming.
Lately, I’ve been writing more, but it feels like something inside me is broken. I can’t find the right words in either English or Spanish, and it’s incredibly frustrating. I feel like no matter what I do, it’s never enough. I post on Instagram and, despite knowing that numbers aren’t everything, I get discouraged by the lack of engagement. I write for KaS 2 and worry that it’s too cliché or too much.
I’m pushing myself to do everything and succeed, but still feel like I’m falling short. A great friend advised me to protect my peace and energy, and it’s hard but necessary. I need to find balance and take care of myself because I’m already feeling burnt out.
Another friend reminded me she’s proud of what I’ve accomplished. Honestly, I had to check if she was talking to someone else. Proud of me? I feel like I’m just getting through each day, doing the basics, and not where I want to be. But I guess we all have different goals, even if society has its standards and ideals.
I look at what all of you are achieving—working, being moms, reading, writing—and I’m so impressed. Why is it so easy to celebrate others but so hard to recognize our own achievements? If anyone has the answer, please share it.
But it's a reminder that even when I feel stuck, the journey is ongoing, and every step forward is progress. So, here’s to finding balance, celebrating small victories, and taking things one step at a time. Life might be chaotic, but together we’re navigating it, and that’s something to be proud of.
Thank you for being a part of this journey with me🖤
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